| ain’t king of the hill anymore |

{ I want this. I wanna feel strong again. }

I’m being surpassed. not only did I lose sight of this, but I feel like I’m losing the level of fitness I used to pride myself on. it doesn’t help that my knee’s jacked up, but that’s still no excuse. I don’t know how to get out of this exercise slump either. not only is it nearly impossible to avoid eating crap here, but I feel like my workouts are incredibly ineffective. (some of that might have to do with the fact that while I’m doing crossfit workouts, all I do is look at my dad’s gym’s site and compare myself to their top performers. all my mind can see is the disparity between where they are and where I am. why do I always do that?) I’m probably doing more work than I ever have before.. what with two workouts a day being the norm.. but I still feel like I’m not improving.

I have a long way to go until I get back to where I was before I left for basic. unfortunately, basic taught me to eat as much as I possibly could. fill my tray, then just keep eating until time runs out. but in basic, I was immediately working off everything that I’d just eaten while here.. not so much. too bad my body/mind can’t make that distinction and STOP EATING. so here I am, ** pounds heavier than when I started basic, and essentially back to square one.

it’s beating me up psychologically too, but I’ll be a big girl and swallow those complaints whole. so gym.. here I come. again.