It’s chaotic. It’s the feeling of success and failure all at once. It’s wishing you were both invisible and visible, alone and crowded, loud and quiet. It’s being unhappy with who you are simply because it’s who you are. It’s being upset nothing’s changing, only to have too many things change. It’s being positive about something so incredibly unlikely. It’s wanting tears to roll only so you can try to stop them from falling, wanting someone to know you’re not alright so that you can try to assure them that you are. It’s wanting to express yourself, but knowing you can’t. It’s wanting to invite people in cause you know they wouldn’t come. won’t come.
it’s unbreakable. it’s undefinable. it’s irreversible. it’s irretrievable. it is.