[ books on tap ]

| breathe. |

whew, I’m tired.

tired in an empty sort of way, though, and not as tired as I’ve been. it’s hard to explain, really. I don’t feel hopeless, anymore. well, not most days. I’m just tired of watching what I eat, of working out often enough, hard enough, of writing futilely just to get one scrap of scribbled-on paper I’m happy with. of trying to memorize, recall, and analyze. and I’m painfully tired of not sleeping well.

jeez, could this read more like a complainer’s to-do list? complain about work, check. complain about lack of work, check. complain about sleeping, check. complain about waking up, check. oh, to top it off, while I’m here in complainer’s hell, I’ve been having a hard time finding new musicians I like. help?

p.s. the things I’m grateful for? 1. my dad bought me a book (out of the blue) that I’ve been lusting after for weeks and been too cheap to buy, 2. my army job security no longer hinges on my performance on the dlab, 3. my future soldier friends are pretty hilarious sometimes, 4. my hair turns out alright most days, 5. I’m writing more often, and some of it’s not too bad, 6. my tax refund came back. let’s just say that sucker put a huge smile on my face.., 7. running’s been getting better. shockingly., 8. and I’m alive, praise Jesus. (thought you’d like that cheesy ending.)

*shrug* guess things aren’t so bad, now that I think about it.

| musician of my hour: ray laMontagne |

I could listen to this man sing for days on end. His voice is honest, gravelly, and he looks a little like Jesus.

:: ray laMontagne ::

:: ray laMontagne ::

meet Ray LaMontagne. this man is frightfully interesting to me. he grew up with a violent musician for a father and an unsettled mother. he left home around 17 and flitted around from town to town, working odd jobs. he stayed out of music in his youth, mainly because of its attachment to his father. one morning he woke up to a song by Stephen Stills, and claims that it singularly changed his life. after that, he began writing and singing, recording the first of his songs in 1999 on his own. long story short, someone heard his songs, fell in love with them, and offered him a record deal.

this man is no ordinary musician, however. he prefers keeping to himself, and lives in a rural town in Maine. as for his performances, there are some songs that he refuses to sing because “they’ve outstayed their welcome.” he’s a loner, and proudly so, saying, “My social interaction is very, very limited. I’m not a whole lot good at making friends or keeping them. I guess I’m just somebody who likes my own company.” so he gives few interviews, refuses to speak about his wife or children, and if he’s not feeling in the mood to perform, he’ll do whatever he can to distance himself from the audience.. sometimes going so far as to sing in utter darkness.

an interviewer asked him if he was happy, and here was his reply: “That,” he begins, “is a difficult question and not a particularly fair one.” He is silent for a full two minutes. Eventually, he speaks. “I don’t know how to answer that, but I guess it’s true to say that I have trouble achieving balance in my life.”

well hallelujah, at least someone’s being honest about it. so yeah, ray laMontagne is one of my favorite artists, because he’s introverted like me and has a terrificly addictive voice. listen to a few songs and tell me you don’t agree.

ray laMontagne | trouble

ray laMontagne | can I stay {live}

ray laMontagne | be here now

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

| sweet cheeks |

I have a crazy sweet tooth. I could eat ding dongs and oatmeal creme pies for days and not get sick of them. however, eating those wretched things is akin to polluting your body with chemicals and eating straight sugary fat. *sigh* do you have any idea how depressing that is some days? pfft, frosting has been my nemesis lately, and to be honest, I’m fairly certain I could scarf down an entire sleeve of oreos at a moment’s notice. this brings me to today’s shopping experience..

first of all, it’s incredibly unkind to put a shelf full of incredibly devilish sugar wafers right next to the fresh fruit. for God’s sake, here we are, trying to grab healthy and nutritious fruit and veggies, and we have to walk around a pile of scrumptious sugar wafers to do it.

yum. my favorite is strawberry.. you?

yum. my favorite is strawberry.. you?

here’s where it gets really difficult though.. right next to all of the fruits and veggies is the little debbie & hostess aisle, cleverly placed so that you have to walk by it in order to get to the salad stuff in the back of the produce section. you know the sugar sweet smell that seems to float around these little devils like perfume? it’s incredibly persuasive. so much so that I stood there for a moment after I’d taken this picture wondering if I should get a box. it took me a full minute to snap out of my near sugar coma.

mm. sugar.

mm. sugar.

I mean, sweet baby Jesus, I had to slap my own hand as I was reaching for the stupid, garish box. so yes, I’ve got a major sweet tooth that, especially as of late, has been begging me to break down and buy a box of star crunch. mm, star crunch. but alas, I’m gonna go cut up an apple for myself and try to pretend that nature’s sugar is just as good as the man-made junk. (p.s. it’s not.)

{shout out to meijer, the beautiful model in today’s rant.}

| write about it: week 3 |

1. I really don’t feel like writing. 2. I had such horrible nightmares last night that I woke up in a cold sweat more than once. 3. oh well, here goes nothing.

I know this late, but I’ve been working on reading some Greek plays today, and analyzing them. That also means that my mind is almost completely shot. So, I think today I’m just gonna write with an old prompt of mine in mind–write a scene with an emotion in mind. In tribute to my nightmares, I’ll choose fear.

He took a step through the doorway and almost immediately regretted it. His hands were trembling, his jaw quivering, and cataclysmic fear was slowly building in his chest. The walls were moist, else he would have reached out to them for support, though he wasn’t sure if he was in command of his phsyical faculties quite yet. A soft scratching noise kept inching closer to him, urging him to run, but he couldn’t. The darkness kept him rooted to the moldy spot he was standing in and he could only wait for the scratching to get closer, his heart thudding in his chest, his eyes widening and his pupils dilating in hopes of catching even the faintest glimmer of light. All was in vain. It stopped in front of him, and the silence was a scream cleaving his head in two. Just before a whimper slipped through his lips, a blinding whiteness filled his eyes and knocked him to his knees. He faintly noticed a squelching sound as his knees hit the floor, his mind too busy praying for his sight to clear. When it did, he immediately and vainly wished it hadn’t.

time’s up. *sigh* now I might take a nap.

| happy birthday dad! |

today’s my dad’s 46th birthday. I’m sure today will include cigar smoking & cake eating, (carrot cake if he has his way) and that’s just the way it should be.

happy birthday dad & love you!

| given and lost books |

so, I gave away a book of mine that I really want to read again. ): I guess this means I’ll have to rebuy it. and, the other book that I mentioned in that post, The God Who Smokes, I seem to have completely lost. I remember buying it, remember being excited about it, but I can’t find it to save my life. boo. I really wanted to read that one too. ugh, I hate that books cost money.

this segues nicely into my newfound respect for half.com. not only have I sold a couple things on there recently, but I also bought a couple of books at prices way cheaper than I would have gotten them in the store. then again, I’m horrible at having enough patience to not mind waiting for it to ship. oh well. I guess I should focus on the books and material I have to read for important things like class and my job. *sigh* too bad I don’t want to.

| musician of my hour: michael bublé |

I’m feeling particularly bluesy today/this week–hence this week’s pick. quite a change from last week’s, hm?

:: michael buble ::

:: michael bublé ::

meet (rather, reacquaint yourself with) michael bublé. (p.s. I don’t know if you can see it, but his shirt pocket is sideways. do you know how awesome that is?) he’s a canadian (shame we Americans can’t take credit for him) big band singer who, interestingly enough, started out as a dud. this man did everything to make it from the time he was 16 to 25. he was ready to give up when he finally caught his big break. now his fourth studio album is out, and I love it right along with the previous three. if you’re in the mood for a little bit of crooning, take a little guilty listen. oh, and I feel obligated to mention that I’m a huge sinatra fan too.

michael bublé | feeling good

michael bublé | you don’t know me

michael bublé | fever

| birthday parties = cake |

so tonight’s a combined birthday party for my sister, hallie, and my cousin, hayden. their birthdays are just about 2 weeks apart, so we decided to wait to do one with both girls. we’re doing it at a ceramic painting place.. you know, where you pick out the piece, paint it, and then they fire it for you? well back on hallie’s actual birthday, jan 21st, we had cake and ice cream and naughty pizza. so I ate horribly. and then tonight we’re probably going to have nasty pizza again, and then a scrumptious cake (triple-layer chocolate with pink (vanilla) frosting and brown polka dots made of necco wafers) and ice cream. jeez.. it’s like everyone’s tempting me not to make weight. (: oh well. I must acknowledge my duty of at least tasting the yummy cake.

but guess what.. tomorrow is my dad’s birthday, and I’m sure we’ll eat cake for that, and then a week later is my other cousin’s birthday. so, more cake. one year we got ice cream cakes for everyone’s birthday, and were left eating ice cream cake for the next month or so. yum.

happy birthday hallie & hayden!

cakelit_sepia

edit: see pictures from the night here!

| write about it : week 2 |

can't write without coffee..

can't write without coffee..

before I start my write about it session of the week, I thought you’d find this interesting and ironic.. my favorite coffee cup is a united states coast guard cup my dad brought with him off of one of the ships he was on. hm, I guess I should get an army one so I’m not cheating on my branch with the uscg. (:

alright, on to business. this is the second write about it, and since last week was kinda therapeutic, I’ve no problem committing twenty minutes of my time to the cause today. I had an idea for a book a while back on my way home from psych class, (let’s face it, I was daydreaming through most of class anyways), but I’ve never really taken the time to flesh out any of the characters. I’ll give you a vague idea of the plot, but today i’m mostly just going to play around with some character sketches.

plot: it’s sometime in the future, and the entire world is under one collective government. in this future, people are books, and live in libraries. they can get “borrowed,” and they recite the contents of the book they were born to represent. when they’re not checked out, they’re just like regular people, and they live communally in libraries around the world. as a result of these “talking books,” everyone but members of the government have lost the ability to read, and the gov’t has destroyed lots of think-for-yourself books. later, when the gov’t realized it was even harder to control people instead of books, they begin putting books back on paper and killing the people books, going even further with their censoring. there’s a rebellion (when isn’t there?), and it’s just begun as a small baby girl is left on the steps of a library. The head librarian, against all protocol and law, takes her in. she grows up amongst the books, and fights alongside the rebellion. yeah, it’s rough, I know. I’m gonna toy with what she looks like, what she likes, what she thinks, etc. forgive me, it’ll be scattered and rough, but so is all literature in its infancy.

Her hair was such a light yellow it was nearly white. The older Books liked to say it looked like parchment, and the younger ones didn’t care what it most closely resembled, but they loved seeing its contrast against the darkness of their own. She kept it wrapped, mostly, even in the Library. It didn’t help much that her skin was dark. Not black, no, but not the usual shade of brown either. She wasn’t olive tinted, nor red. Her skin was a creamy, chocolaty brown. Pure as anyone ever saw nowadays, even though they still insisted on calling her a mutt. She wished she could change things, sometimes, blend in better. But she never hated herself; never hated the colors that defined her, the words that matured her speech far beyond an average orphan’s, or the great walls that made up her home–so different from the rest.

Today she was out, at the behest of the Librarian, and felt her skin crawl with every light-footed step. Head down, hair wrapped tight, she traced a path so familiar it should have worn into the ground years ago. Nothing ever wore the steel ground down, though. She was thinking of the carpet in the Reading Room, and the beautiful hardwood in the Librarian’s quarters. Her mind was always caught in memories, daydreams, and heavy-handed contemplations. Often, it got her into trouble. She managed the walk today without trouble, and was almost optimistic as she crossed the threshold of the town’s chemist. Raven had hurt himself again, said the Librarian, he’s such a clumsy man.

time’s up. I love writing. (:

| dlab |

I might be freaking out a little. I mean, for good reason, but still.

I leave for basic training in 76 days. but this next thursday, I have to jump yet another hurdle just to get there.. the defense language aptitude battery (dlab) test.

this test measures a persons ability to learn a foreign language, and is essential for my job. the lowest passing score is an 85, and that qualifies you to learn a level one language.. like french, spanish, or portuguese. a 90 will get you a level two language, german, a level three (95) will get you belorussian, czech, greek, hebrew, serbian, vietnamese, etc, and a level four (100) will get you arabic, chinese, japanese, korean, etc.

anyways, I would really like to score highly. I did well on my asvab, usually test well, am quite familiar with English grammar rules, and usually do alright with picking up little bits of languages here and there, but I’m still incredibly nervous. but I’m quite excited to learn a language at the Defense Language Institute.. their program is the best in the US.

*crosses fingers* here’s to hoping I do well next thursday. I’ll let you know as soon as I find out, kay? in the meantime, pray for me?